10 ? "Steve"
20 GOTO 10
RUN
My first computer program. And a significant instance in a lifetime of self-induced "oh crap" moments.
The green text started to repeatedly fill the blank screen with my name: "SteveSteveSteve".
The entire screen quickly filled and began scrolling upward.
This was so cool. I told the computer to do something, and it did it!
Bliss slowly transformed into concern as the scrolling continued. And continued.
A flash of thought that I had broken the computer, or sent it into some continuous loop that would make the machine unusable from that point onward, almost sent me into a panic attack.
My brain was rapidly switching between different fates, and none of them were pleasant. I was 13, and "correcting my opinions" was fairly common in those years.
I had watched enough Star Trek to know that pulling out the power cord would destroy the computer in a shower of sparks, but that's where my mind was starting to settle.
I didn't know what "anxiety" was at the time. I just knew I was in big trouble if I didn't find a way out.
I did not find a way out.
My friend, who was standing next to me and completely forgotten in the moment, had told me to type that code onto the screen. He was taking a computer class at school and thought it would be funny. He pressed something on the keyboard. The scrolling stopped, the blinking cursor returned, and he smiled a big grin at me.
I have since moved far away from that snippet of code and the fear of having my own opinions, but I still sometimes get a little thrill of terror before pressing the Enter key.
